Keep the relationships, but never let them override the rules
Originally written in Chinese. Translated with AI, reviewed by Gary. Read the Chinese original →
Today I want to talk about rules and systems.
Of course they matter a lot. A company without rules will always end up in a mess. Today this person gets an exception, tomorrow that person does too, and after a while people stop looking at the rules and start looking at who is close to whom.
But I have always felt that a system isn't something cold. Especially in Malaysia, we have our own way of doing things. Many problems can't be solved with a simple "follow the SOP", because between people there is also loyalty, relationships, face and trust.
A letter thrown into the bin
It reminds me of a story I read in Robert Kuok's memoir.
It goes roughly like this.
Not long after Malaysia became independent, Tunku Abdul Rahman had a friend, a businessman from Penang if I remember right, who was also his poker friend. This friend was being investigated over a tax matter, so he went to Tunku for help.
As a friend, Tunku didn't ignore him completely. He wrote a letter to the Finance Minister at the time, Tun Tan Siew Sin. The letter didn't order him to drop the case, or demand special treatment. It said, in effect: this man is my friend, please see whether there is anything you can do.
Looked at idealistically today, we might think: how could a prime minister do that? A friend is being investigated for tax, and he writes to the Finance Minister?
But reality isn't that simple.
In a newly formed country, a lot rested on relationships, trust and personal goodwill. Many people had struggled together, fought for independence together and built the country together. When a friend comes to you for help, ignoring him entirely isn't how people behave either.
So from that angle, Tunku was doing his duty as a friend. He asked on his friend's behalf, and wrote a letter.
The truly remarkable part is how it was handled afterwards.
Tan Siew Sin was very unhappy when he saw the letter. In his view, a tax matter was a tax matter. If someone could get special treatment because he was Tunku's friend, what kind of system did the country have?
So he took the letter to Tun Dr Ismail Abdul Rahman, then the Minister of Trade and Industry.
Dr Ismail read it. He didn't scold Tunku, and he didn't tell Tan to give Tunku face. He simply crumpled the letter into a ball, threw it into the wastepaper basket, and told Tan something like this:
Tunku has done his duty as a friend. By ignoring this letter, you are doing your duty as Finance Minister.
I find that line brilliant.
It doesn't deny personal relationships, and it doesn't sacrifice the system. It simply keeps the two roles separate.
Tunku, as a friend, could write a letter for his friend.
Tan Siew Sin, as Finance Minister, could choose not to act on it.
Dr Ismail, as a national leader, could remind everyone that the system had to hold.
That was a precious kind of political ethic in Malaysia's early years of government.
It isn't that there were no personal relationships.
It's that personal relationships were not allowed to override the system.
Companies are the same
I think this story is well worth thinking about for companies today, because companies work the same way. In the beginning, most companies are built on goodwill. Friends help out, suppliers trust you, staff struggle alongside you, investors back you, customers give you a chance. Without that goodwill, a company would never get to where it is.
We can't pretend relationships don't matter.
But as a company grows, relationships can no longer be a reason to break the rules. You can ask on a friend's behalf, give someone a chance, introduce resources, show you care. But the final decision has to come back to the system, the process and the principles.
If a boss changes the standard because of who someone knows, what gets hurt in the end isn't the system itself. It's the people who were faithfully following it.
That is why so many companies end up in a mess.
At first the boss thinks it's just one favour.
Then everyone feels they deserve an exception too.
In the end the company runs not on ability or rules, but on who is best at pulling strings.
A truly mature system isn't one with no human element at all. A system with no human element would struggle to work in the real world. A truly mature system is one where everyone knows where the line is.
Relationships can exist.
But a relationship can't become an order.
Connections can be respected.
But a connection can't become a privilege.
You can help a friend.
But the system can't bend for a friend.
The real strength of a system
What Tunku's story shows me is that a generation of leaders wasn't necessarily perfect, but they had an important sense of proportion.
Tunku honoured his friendship.
Tan Siew Sin upheld his responsibility as Finance Minister.
Dr Ismail put the whole thing back in its proper place.
The most precious part isn't that the letter ended up in the bin. It's that everyone accepted that the letter belonged in the bin.
Tunku didn't retaliate because Tan ignored him.
Tan didn't give in because the letter came from the prime minister.
And Dr Ismail didn't turn it into a political fight.
That is the real strength of a system.
We often think a system is the SOPs, policies and approval flows written on paper. But the real system is whether, at the critical moment, someone is willing to hold the line.
Especially in Malaysia, we value relationships and goodwill. That isn't a bad thing. Many businesses, partnerships and bonds of trust start from personal goodwill. But for an organisation to grow up, and for a country to be stable, one thing has to happen:
Keep the relationships, but never let them override the system.
It sounds simple. It's very hard to do.
Because throwing away a letter is easy. Throwing away the pressure behind that letter is the hard part.
And it is exactly this sense of proportion that decides whether a business can grow from a small shop into an organisation, and whether a country can move from a society run on favours to one run on institutions.